This is me, curmudgeon supreme, with my true nature showing. $50 for a 2-3 hour tour. That's the cheapest way to hire me. Expect me to play on your largely unfounded fears and concerns from reading purulent western press to make you think you need to hire me chaperone you around the clock.
Moscow
orientation tour
to make you self-sufficient
and comfortable
A truly valuable service not to be confused with a "guided tour" for tourists. The aim is to make you self sufficient and help you save time and money. Normally you should be able to recover your $50 fee for this unique tour within a couple of days.
Done by one of my reasonably attractive female associates. Or, if you are out of luck, or your needs and problems are many, then I'm afraid it will be me.
What is included in your Moscow Orientation Tour:
Public transportation - the logic of it, main systems, buying subway cards, bus and streetcar tickets, etc.
Taxi - understanding the price structure and negotiating taxi fares
Public phones - tips and tricks to make them work
Where to shop AND NOT TO SHOP for food. Special requests welcomed. Throw as us exotic requests, and you may find that your favourite food can be found here.
Layout of the city and staying oriented. This exercise consists of identifying places you know and using them as landmarks.
Survival Russian. Help compiling and remembering 8-12 key Russian phrases.
Internet cafes - finding them and figuring out the Russian interface.
Planning and scheduling - help in making a list of places to visit and things to do
Railroad, airplane, theatre tickets - how to buy them at local prices or close to it.
Common tricks played on foreigners.
Russian facial expression - Learn to maintain tough and unapproachable to avoid being pestered by scammers.
WHAT TO DO IN CASE OF EMERGENCY. GETTING IN TOUCH WITH YOUR EMBASSY. HOW TO CALL THE POLICE.
Moscow for travellers with special needs or concerns, eg. visible minorities, vegetarians or vegans, single women, gays, families with children, Russian bride seekers etc. etc.
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Total duration: 3-5 hoursContribution to my hopeless cause: $80. You are likely to save more as a direct consequence of what you'll learn. Follow up e-mail or telephone consultations inluced.
December 2008